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West Wednesday: Kanye 2020

How long will the American people tolerate a West presidency?

October 28, 2015

No one man should have all that power.  It is for that very reason that America should elect Kanye West as their Commander in Chief.  Future President West announced his future campaign at the VMAs, and the best part about it is it could probably work out.  If this recent election has taught us anything, it's that America  is really into narcissistic non-politician presidential candidates.  Kanye can ride his swag all the way to the White House.  The question is, what type of policies would he implement?  Well here's a list of all the executive orders we can expect from President Yeezy.

1. Every American Citizen will be forced to purchase First Lady Kim Kardashian's mix-tape.  It'll be straight fire!

Unfortunately, the world hasn't been blessed with the sounds of pure musical bliss, but knowing Kanye, who honestly  is a great producer, he'd help the love of his life pursue whatever hobby she desires.  However, because America isn't full of morons, or so we hope, Kim's mix-tape won't sell much.  First Lady Kim would fall into a deep depression, so the only way our Head of State could get his wife out of this crippling depression is by passing an executive order making it illegal for any American to not own a copy of Kim's mix-tape.  Thanks to the President we would all have to enjoy Kim's mix-tape.  Which I'm pretty sure is a federal offense. (Kim already has a single out - "Jam (Turn It Up)," which you can find here. But Kanye will help redeem her musical career.)

2. The Inaugural Ball will only have one performer, KANYE... and Beyonce.

Why would a President who moonlights as a multi-platinum artist need other artists to perform at his inaugural ball?  Who needs the President's Own, when you've got a talented Commander In Chief?  However, being a man of the people, Kanye would make his Inaugural Ball an open event.  He'd open the concert to the public, and honestly, how hilarious would it be seeing a bunch of inner-city kids, stoners, and hipsters in the same crowd with a bunch of rich old white guys?  To this writer, it sounds pretty freakin' hilarious. Yet being a man of the people, Kanye wouldn't keep the stage all for himself.  He'd bring the Queen herself, Beyonce, to perform and throw the best concert in the existence of man.  Two icons just leaving their souls on the stage for life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.  In other words, guys we need to make this happen.  Why? Cause freedom, that's why!

3. President West completely stoned for every State of the Union Address.

Addressing the country is an extremely stressful situation and what better way to combat this than lighting one up.  During his campaign announcement during the VMAs, Kanye admitted he had just rolled a J before taking the stage.  So just imagine a stoned Kanye West addressing the nation and the world completely faded.  He'd be extremely impassioned, but it wouldn't be a good thing.  Kanye would start admitting  to us all the secrets of the government.  Who killed JFK?  Are aliens real? Did Bush really do 9/11?  Can jet fuel really melt steel beams? All this can become possible if we only elect Kanye to office.

4. The possible end of times

Let's face it, Kanye's no politician.  He may be a musical genius but he isn't a genius negotiator.  Kanye isn't the most subtle person.  He would need to negotiate with other Heads of States and that could be some tricky business.  If President West angers the wrong the country, he can start a possible nuclear war that will kill us all.  On the plus side, at least we'll have a killer soundtrack to go along with our deaths.  Thanks President West, you're the best.

Kanye's presidential reign would be a wacky and wild time.  It would provide us with some great one liners and excellent material for late night show comedians.  Half the public would love it, and the other half would be up in arms demanding an impeachment.  It begs the question, how long will the American people tolerate a West presidency?  This writer's guess would be, "All day n**ga...all day."

- Matthew "Sprinkles" Atwell

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